Twenty plus million dollars. That how much money «I»Farenheit 911«/I» made over the weekend. That's a lotta dough. And for what, a couple of hours of distorted facts and editing jobs designed to reach a prearranged conclusion, cast in an attempt to change the minds of voters and energise the "Let's defeat Bush!' brigades?
It's been admitted by several on this backyard blog barbeque (the BBB?) that it is not the nature of the message that counts, but that the correct message is being given. Some visual sleight of hand is necessary to reach the desired conclusion. Sure. Moore plays fast and loose with facts, bending them out of shape by his sheer mass, but this is allowed because what is being said is politically damaging to the current administration specifically and to the opposing party deliberately.
The ends justify the means. Throw Bush out with whatever weapons are at hand.
All of which sets a new standard for documentary films.
I got to thinking "if I wanted to make some fast cash, score political points so people see my film, and have no scruples, what would I do?" Because its so inefficient to just wait around for something to happen and then film it. Editing is so 20th Century. This is the modern age. Hence, my new documentary slogan: «b»Don't Film, Fabricate«/b». I don't have the time or the money to spend wandering around Flint, Michigan trolling for people who will talk to me. I don't have the patience to interview hundreds of people to get a few minutes of usable film. No, I have a computer, and that means I can create whatever the hell I please. And, since it has the proper political message, it's guaranteed to rake in the cash of the liberal (and rightwing) suckers, and maybe, just maybe, violate some federal election laws.
When you think «i»documentary«/I» what comes to mind first? For me, it's always something on National Geographic, or even better, the old Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom, where for a whole Pablum filled hour you could watch a wildebeest drink water and crop grass. Exciting! Educational! But it lacks the proper political message. And, well, everyone likes dinosaurs.
I give you «I»«B»Deinonychus Antirrhopus Has Two Daddies«/B»«/I»:
«a href="http://deskmerc.com/pixors/deinonychusdaddies.php" onclick="window.open('http://deskmerc.com/pixors/deinonychusdaddies.php','popup','width=693,height=518,scrollbars=no,resizable=no,toolbar=no,directories=no,location=no,menubar=no,status=no,left=0,top=0'); return false"»«img src="http://deskmerc.com/pixors/deinonychusdaddies-thumb.jpg" width="300" height="224" border="0" /»«/a»
Set in the late Cretaceous Period, Denny the Deinonychus endures a lot of abuse and from other Dromaeosauri, such as the velociraptors and saurornitholestes, all because his parents live an alternative lifestyle. Denny overcomes his fear and shame to become a top member in the predator-prey pyramid, even though in one touching scene he allows an injured coleocephalosaurus, who once taunted him mercilessly near Windward Smoking Pit, to leave and return to his parents to forage again another day. His lasting friendship with the troodont Willy gives him the fortitude to succeed in a world soon beset by the worst of all futures, global warming, and his eventual long sleep after the events of the Chixiculub impact. A touching story of tolerance and pride in oneself regardless of the oppressive views inherent in the meat eating carnivore class.
But why stop there? I'm not limited to anthropomorphic beasts that went extinct millions of years ago. I'm not even limited to contemporary ones. No, I'll tell the sad, liberal tale of an inanimate object in the next film called «I»«B»Brick«/I»«/B»:
«a href="http://deskmerc.com/pixors/brickfilm.php" onclick="window.open('http://deskmerc.com/pixors/brickfilm.php','popup','width=492,height=713,scrollbars=no,resizable=no,toolbar=no,directories=no,location=no,menubar=no,status=no,left=0,top=0'); return false"»«img src="http://deskmerc.com/pixors/brickfilm-thumb.jpg" width="300" height="434" border="0" /»«/a»
«I»«B»Brick«/I»«/B» is a tale that anyone, young or old, can laugh and learn from. We watch the tale of Brick Brick, a brick that grew up in the worst of Depression Era times in southern Chicago. Brick is a brick who does his job as best he can, but finds no solace, no peace for his weary body. We follow him through the turbulent years of World War II, serving to hold up a wall in New York city. Eventually, dissatisfied with his lot in life, he joins the International Socialists Workers Party, and there, finds like minds of equal intellect who can understand the needs and concerns of both modern and early brick. Brick finds solace with his new Socialist brethren, knowing he no longer has to shoulder the load himself, others will step in to help. Free Mumia.
When I accept my award at Cannes, I will cite everyone present as my lasting inspiration for «I»«B»Brick«/I»«/B». Thank you all.
Lastly, and since it is getting late and I need to crash, I produced «B»«I»I Sold Kerry's Brain On EBAY«/B»«/I»
«a href="http://deskmerc.com/pixors/kerrybrain.php" onclick="window.open('http://deskmerc.com/pixors/kerrybrain.php','popup','width=640,height=480,scrollbars=no,resizable=no,toolbar=no,directories=no,location=no,menubar=no,status=no,left=0,top=0'); return false"»«img src="http://deskmerc.com/pixors/kerrybrain-thumb.jpg" width="300" height="225" border="0" /»«/a»
A short film, designed exclusively for the genre, tells the tale of a man who obtained presidential candidate John Kerry's brain in 1978. After he was rendered unconscious in a biking accident, Kerry's brain was removed on the spot and placed into a jar of preservative fluid, and kept for more than 25 years collecting dust in a Schenectady basement. The brain was rediscovered, and sold on EBay to a high bidder who wished to remain anonymous. Complete with almost three minutes of intense speculation of the buyer's identity! This short film will keep you on the edge of your seat, as just what the hell has Kerry been making decisions with if some asshole has his brain?
«HR»
Well, tha's enough of that. Note that Deinonychus is just a cool dinosaur, way better than those puny velociraptors that are so trendy for some reason. Go with the real killer, go Deinonychus! (And no, I'm not making fun of «A HREF="http://www.steveverdon.com/"»Steve Verdon«/A» either.) No animals were harmed in th emaking of these events, nor were any subjected to alternative lifestyles without their express consent, and all minor dinosaurs, bricks, and brains had parental consent. John Kerry is a trademarked name of the International Ketchup Party, and was used without permission. I tried, but simply could not make my dinosaurs vegetarian. John Kerrys brain was enlarged to visible size to appear correctly and without distortion on your computer screen.
If you have any good ideas for a documentary, send them to me, and I'll at least make a movie poster out of it if it's kewl enuf.